Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael...

....or rather welcome home Ella Coquine! 

I'll take any opportunity to smuggle in a 90s Winona reference. Love that crazy broad.

So I'm back in Paris! Finally! Champagne!

Getting here wasn't nearly as easy as I had anticipated. After a challenging two days at JFK where I was desperately trying to jump on one of the many over-sold flights to Paris, I finally made it here in one piece. Day two at the airport posed a rather interesting scenario where I was asked by a TSA officer if I intended on actually using on the plane the many tubes of cream that were found in my carry-on, or if I could just check it - including my Vagisil (Again, I'm so going to regret writing this word out on the blog, as it will without question come up as keyword search result in my stats this week). 

I was mortified. First of all, how do you answer that? "Yes, sir. I intend on moisturizing my vagina as well as applying my eye cream on the aircraft." And secondly, it wasn't like any of these items were king-sized, they all fit the three ounce requirement and were hardly a threat to fellow passengers. I'm convinced that they get their rocks off by outing people with the embarrassing things they find in their suitcases, while gleefully bringing it to the attention of all. Including and surely not limited to the 17 year old boy behind me who mumbled "vag" under his breath was he saw the officer waving the white tube in the air. 

While my homecoming wasn't nearly as grand and anticipated as Roxy Carmichael's, it was entertaining enough and stayed true in pure Ella Coquine fashion; ridiculous. Would you expect anything less at this point?

All I can say is that it's good to be home and once I'm settled in, I'm ready to start this year off! Bonjour September! 

Oh and in case you were wondering, here's what Paris had to offer as a gift me for my rentrée: an unexplained detour that ensured a public outcry.

Oh Paris...


  1. "Well Sir, I wasn't planning on using the Vagisil on the plane but I'm not taking any chances of a long layover."

    1. LAYover, badoomchh! I should probably point out I don't know precisely what Vagisil is, but I'm still gonna make that joke.

      You're a braver woman than I for using that word on the blog, I'm still coming across the search-engine fallout from the time I went to a brothel with my sister (so many people searching for "brothel" and "sister"?)

      Welcome home :)

  2. Picture this; business trip with one's male boss. Airport security.
    "Ma'am, are you sure you need this for the flight?"
    As he turns on the the vibrating dildo.
    Thank you very much SFO!!!

  3. Oh my god, I would have died if that happened to me. Jeez, TSA, if the bottle is under the 4oz or whatever it is, do you really have to look at what it is?

    And ah, Paris. Detours are everyone in Valenciennes as they're trying to put in a new tramline. It's hell.

  4. What is it with all the oversold flights to Paris right now? Summer is over for heaven sake! My mother is flying over (standby of course) in a couple of weeks and she has to keep changing her dates because the flights (more specifically first class) keep filling up.
    In other news... welcome back! It's nice to have you back in this time zone and I super duper hope that you are going to come to Montpellier in October :)
    Oh, one last thing... love the Roxy Carmichael reference. Now I feel like putting on a pink party dress and some combat boots. x.

  5. And Parisians should be outraged with this Delanoe's unilateral closing of the voie sur berges. Just wait until everybody is back next week and they find he has already shut down the right bank's expressway. I don't get involved in politics that much over here, but THIS decision is one I will protest against. Driving here is already bad enough and this is only going to make things worse.

  6. Welcome home beautiful!

  7. Ella, you never fail to make me snort out a very unelegant kerfuffle at least once during your posts. Welcome back to the bordel! ;)

  8. 3 things:

    1. Screw TSA
    2. What the hell was going on in Paris?
    3. I love the little old man going up to the police car and ,presumably, scolding them. Amazing.

    Hope you're enjoying your rentree!

  9. Welcome home, Mlle Ella!

  10. Bienvenue mademoiselle coquine ! <3