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Last Days.


Taking advantage of these last moments in New York, I'm going full force in doing things that I will no longer have access to once I'm back in France. Moving back to the fashion and food capital of the world, what could I possibly miss in the States? Plenty, trust me. For one, enjoying my She and Him Pandora radio station. While France's Deezer, and the new rage in the music streaming community, Spotify are awesome and do the trick, if I had to choose one, I'd choose Pandora. I'm lazy and love how Pandora creates the mix for you. I don't always know exactly what I want to listen to, just the idea of it, and need a little guidance. What else will I miss? Monday night Golden Girls marathons on WeTV (obviously), going to the local pizza parlor for a slice, not a whole pie but just a slice. Something that took me moving to Los Angeles to realize is uniquely a New York thing, and my favorite; manis and pedis with my mom.

While nail salons certainly do exist in Paris, the only problem is that they're just awful. They're expensive, not nearly as good as what us American gals are accustomed to, the nail polish selection is limited to pink, red, and dark pink, and the worst; there is no option for the supplementary post-manicure back massage. The first time I got my nails done in Paris was in the 10th arrondissement, and foolishly requested a 10 minute massage while waiting for my nails to dry. I'm not sure if it was my at the time entry-level French or it's just simply not done, but either way, they looked at me like I was a pervert for asking them to rub my shoulders as I dried my nails under their fan (no, not dryer - a fan).

Today, while waiting for Water, my favorite nail technician at Pink Angel Nail, I perused the nail polish rack to pick the perfect shade, looking for something that read: "Ella's Paris Return in Autumn While Looking for a Job and Want to be Taken Seriously Yet Still Fun and Flirty". I guess the above "Bonjour" look is out, and I ended up with a safe pink with one coat of glitter. After uselessly obsessing over my rentrée look, and ignoring the fact that glitter is not serious, I indulged in my favorite nail salon hobby; reading off the names of the polish. These poor colors have been branded with such ridiculous names, some that don't even make sense, undoubtedly by executives somewhere in a corporate cosmetics office in New York City. Saying that, I'm just going to come out with it: If there is one job that I would love to have, it would be this, naming nail polish colors! After reading several of them, it's clear that it takes a certain level of cray to come up with these names, and who better than me would be a perfect candidate? Calling Wet n' Wild.

So here goes a second round of "Why the Frick is That Nail Polish Named That?", complete with my suggestions and of course, my comments. And once again, I'll say it louder for the people in the cheap seats, can I please have this job?!

"Click it or Ticket" was a rusty orange color. The name is a little random, but if I had to use this name, personally, I would have chosen a shiny silver...like a seat belt.

"Fear or Desire" was an acid yellow. This name actually worked because this color was certainly fearful, but I like how the name is not influencing your opinion and allowing you, the consumer to decide. If paired with the right outfit, this neon yellow could very much be desirable, but with what? Hmmm. Let me marinate on that a bit. The name for this color though, I would have gone with Electric Youth Yellow. Don't you just love that album?

"Lovie Mc Dovie" was a pale pearly pink. I get the pink going with the lovie and the dovie, but the Mc? I don't follow. Isn't Mc supposed to be a derogatory term for the Irish? Or was this supposed to be a play on Superbad's McLovin'? I really don't McKnow.

"Cabana Boy" was an opaque gray which would actually have looked fabulous with one nail painted with "Fear or Desire". There! I found a use for that color! There's something so fresh about grey with a hint of neon, don't you think? While "Cabana Boy" was pretty, the name was all wrong! When I think of cabana boys, I think of a deep taupe, like an Adonis wearing flowy linen pants, greased up with cocoa butter, with the sun reflecting off of his hard abs that are glistening with exotic coconut oils from Polynesia. Uh-oh, I think my inner-goddess is sleazing out again. Gross.

Then there was "Mojito Madness". While I would have chosen mayhem or malarkey in lieu of madness, as a personal preference in chaotic adjectives that start with an "m", I did appreciate the only name that seemed cohesive with the color. As you can guess, it was green. Bright green. Madness.

"Stylenomics" was a regal hunter green. Okay, I guess I get it, green like money. Still weird. In my opinion, this color should have been called Ivy League. 

And finally the one name that really stood out, the only one that I had a bit of a problem with was "Miss Fancy Pants". It wasn't so much the name as it was the color, apparently someone in the nail industry thinks that the perfect color to match a name like "Miss Fancy Pants" is a dark chocolate brown. Am I the only one that thinks that this combination is a bit crude? What exactly is Miss Fancy doing in her pants to make it that dark brown color? 

I love America. We're out of our damn minds over here.

12 comments:

  1. Miss Fancy Pants certainly should not be a brown color. That's plain dumb. Everyone knows a Miss Fancy pants is definitely a pink shade. Because she's fancy ;)
    Enjoy your last days in NY. Savor every sip of diner coffee, every slice, every american cheese omelette, every bagel... savor it all! x

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    1. Miss Fancy Pants should most DEFINITELY be pink - NOT brown!! LOL! What's so fancy about brown pants?!

      Thanks Sara Louise! These last days in New York have been great!

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  2. As always Ella, you made me giggle. One suggestion for streaming a mix in France: Stereomood. Love that. And I haven't quite got the hang of Soundcloud but it works. Plus on Deezer, you can click on "radio" and they will do a mix for you on an artist you like but it usually is lame.

    Have a last slice for me!

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    1. Thanks Heather! Glad you enjoyed the post. : )

      Ooooh I will totally check out Stereomood when I get back next week! Thanks for the suggestion!

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  3. I've bought nail polishes based on having a cool name. Of course, it has to be pretty as well, but having a cool name will make me want to buy it over one that has a boring name. That said, I can't think of the names of any of my nail polishes off the top of my head. Hmm... and I really should paint them. It's been ages. Will explore my collection later today :-)

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    1. I totally agree! The names do help! I just bought a color called "Minted" and while I absolutely love the color, the name steered my decision in a definite purchase. If it was just called light green, I wouldn't have been as sold. Stupid, I know, but hey, it's marketing!

      Happy manicure!

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  4. Actually, it's just us New Yorkers who are out of our minds. :)

    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/22/nyregion/thecity/22nail.html

    It's an article about the woman who is the head of Essie Cosmetics, "They’re Her Colors. The Rest of Us Just Wear Them." Fascinating piece!

    I totally obsess over the Essie names, too. This was hilarious.

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    1. Thanks for the link! While I enjoyed the article, I thought it was too short! I guess Essie just had me wanting more. She's a quirky bird, just my kinda femme!

      Thanks for commenting, Josie!

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  5. Oh my god, you had me cracking up with your jokes and comments, and then you put me over the edge with the last line!!!! AHAHAHA! OK, let me try and calm myself down so I can type... You are brilliant. You would be perfect for this job indeed! Thanks for the laughs!!!

    P.S. I miss the mani-pedi's + massages as well! I have French friends going to NYC soon and you can be sure I told them that they must experience it! I really could use a mani+pedi right now!

    Bonne rentrée & good luck on the job hunt ma belle !

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    1. Hahaha thanks! I aim to entertain! Glad you enjoyed this post, I had fun writing it. My mom and Seb sometimes can't believe how much I laugh when I write these posts.

      France totes needs to get on board with NY-style mani/pedis/massage! It's one of life's little joys that were deprived of!

      Thanks for the well wishes - I'll need it!!

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  6. I'm rolling once again. I love you. My all-time fave color is this offensive red that I chose after my Big break-up. I wanted something wild and tacky; something only a hooker or a check-out girl from 1987 that smoked Newport Lights would wear. You know, to perk me up. The name?

    "I'm not really a waitress."

    Perfection.

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  7. Oh man, you do make me laugh! I read the beginning of this post a few days ago and have laughed a few times when I pass a nail salon that's just downstairs from my office, thinking of their reaction if I asked them for a massage, and how yes indeed they'd most certainly look at me like a perv.

    But then I read this properly just now, and it's late (for me) and I'm not really fully switched on, so when I saw Miss Fancy Pants I thought of pink, but most certainly didn't think of what Miss fancy is doing in her pants until you spelled it out for me (and I'm the first to make a scatalogical joke or giggle).

    Too funny, Miss Coquine!
    xx

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