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The Only Exception.


Dr. Becky calls my taste in television shows painfully predictable. They must meet one or more of the following requirements: a Golden Girl cast member, something vintage such as - but not limited to - an antique store, period-piece taken place after 1930, and even a main character with bangs will do, as well as an addiction problem and/or paranormal activity. Specific, I know. I still have yet to find a show that contains all of my interests. I may be waiting forever...

Meeting my bangs, antique shop and paranormal prerequisites, my newest obsession as of late has been Ghost Whisperer and it's been driving Séb crazy. Not because he thinks the show is awful, well okay actually in the beginning he did, but because I have successfully managed to suck him into this drama forcing his latest concern to be that Season 3 isn't downloading fast enough. Recently I have been growing suspicious, wondering if his interests truly lie in the storyline of earth-bound spirits crossing into the light, or if it's Jennifer Love Hewitt's luscious cleavage exploding out of her vintage dresses that has made him a new fan. I realized just how out of control it has gotten when he referred to her as "Love", leading me to believe that he has been Googling her! Unfortunately, his new J.Love obsession is no ones fault but my own, and I regret telling him one story in particular that seems to be justifying his cream fest.

Picture it. Los Angeles. 2003.

I love looking back on my LA days. Besides my first fresh months in Paris, these were my glory days of naïveté. I was young, driving around town in an uninsured and unregistered beat-up Volvo, so clearly I was extremely stupid but I was genuinely happy. Life hadn't beat me up yet. My father was still alive, I hadn't experienced the throws of true heartbreak, my rent was cheap, and my metabolism was fast. What more could a 21 year-old ask for?

To pay for said cheap rent as well as my improv classes at The Groundlings, my chosen profession was "background artist" which really is just a fancy title for being an extra. I maintained this lifestyle of living on anorexic paychecks, and "performing" challenging roles such as Girl at Cafe #12 and Principal Drunk Chick at Seth Cohen's House Party for a little over a year before getting completely burned out. The early call times, the grouchy over-worked crew members, being treated like animals (on one show, a tin tray of tootsie rolls was put out as our snack), and watching the nauseating ass-kissing the principle roles received from everyone on the set got majorly played out. I was done.

Except for the pure kitsch factor of seeing myself every so often playing Black Jack on a rerun of Las Vegas, this experience was far from ideal....except for one show. If there was ever an odd job created just for me, this was it. For two glorious seasons, I was an American Bandstand dancer on Dick Clark's family drama American Dreams. This was one of the few extra gigs where you had to actually work which was why it was the least popular job in "the community", particularly with the younger set who came out to Hollywood to be the next Ashton Kutcher or Kate Hudson, and didn't want to be reprimanded about their "Pony" dance moves not being convincing enough. But to me, this job was pure bliss. It was my 1960s wet dream. I danced to Motown and 60s garage rock in vintage mini dresses, my hair was teased up in bouffants and beehives, and I wore pastel colored eye shadows complimented by dramatic liquid eye-liner and false eyelashes.

For one of the show's episodes, Jennifer Love Hewitt was guest starring as Nancy Sinatra, which at the time pissed me off because I didn't feel that she was qualified to portray such a fabulous 60s icon. Packed with my unfair judgmental thoughts, as fate would have it on this particularly busy day, I was sent to get my hair and make-up done in the main trailer where the principle roles were getting done up. Jennifer and I sat side-by-side.

We made eye contact in the mirror, acknowledged each others presence with a smile, and I quickly pulled away from our visual communication. I did the "look away and then check back to see if the person is still looking at you" thing we do when we're nervous. Well Jennifer was still looking. Damn, she was on to me! She was ghost whispering me before the show even launched, and she somehow knew that I thought she was annoying and unsuitable to play Nancy. I was screwed.

She then turned to look at me, and we were face-to-face. As slow as possible, I turned my head toward her which ended up looking more Linda Blair than someone uselessly buying time. Our bare, makeup-less eyes met. "Excuse me," she said as she reached her hand out toward my arm rest, "but you look like me! How funny is that!" Her eyes just sparkled as she made this discovery, as if I was the only person in Hollywood with dark brown eyes, and more touchingly as if I was the only person on earth at this moment. This made me feel just awful for judging her. She was so sweet and cheerful, and me? I was the little bitch for not having any faith in her. My guilt rendered me tongue-tied where I just stared back at her. To make matters more uncomfortable, the abrasive make-up artist who was annoyed that I was even in the principal's trailer told me I needed to go to the dermatologist as she was aggressively slapping foundation on a painful cystic pimple that was growing on my chin. I can still see that zit in the episode, by the way. I was mortified. Jennifer politely smiled and continued chatting with her nice make-up artist, and I just wanted to disappear. Jennifer did a wonderful job as Nancy, and learned to never underestimate the power of Love.

Omitting the embarrassing blemish part, I told Séb this story about J. Love saying that she thinks we look alike, and he has now been using it as an excuse to fawn over her. Okay. One, I do not look like her, I'm more Tomei than Hewitt, and two, I don't care if he thinks she's hot! She is, and he doesn't need to work me into the fantasy. It was this playful interaction of me teasing the hell out of him about his new girlfriend when it dawned on me...Séb has an exception list. Of course he does! You know that mental list we all have about someone unattainable that we want to sleep with and are allowed to should we ever meet them. Residents of Los Angeles excluded.

I guess this is my karma for thinking mean thoughts about J.Love, but really I'm not at all jealous of her being on Séb's exception list because guess what....home girl has her own list. There will be a major scandal if I ever meet Jason Schwartzman, Damon Albarn, or Scarlett Johansson. Miamsville! They don't call me Coquine for nothing.

Who is on your exception list? Is a hashtag Ryan Gosling necessary?

What was happening a year ago today? History!

25 comments:

  1. I love that you have a girl on your list as well! My list consists of mostly dorky guys (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Linus Roache (silver fox on Law & Order), Matthew Gray-Gubler and Michael Fassbender) and Megan Fox :P

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    1. I was going to put Joseph Gordon-Levitt as well, but when I really thought about it, I think I have a friend crush on him. I want to be friends with him! He's also a Francophile and speaks French really well.

      Megan Fox... She's gorge but she always seems to have major bitch face. Maybe motherhood will soften her up a bit. : )

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  2. AnonymousJune 25, 2012

    I'm not sure if we can be friends anymore. Scarlett Johansson is on my major dislike list. This is goes back to 2003, most likely after Lost in Translation blew up.... US Weekly featured her dumping trash out of her car into the streets. Therefore I'll hate her forever. You manage to pull me back to reality with Jason; love him! Jonny Lee Miller (1995 - 2005 only), Keira Knightly (with a bit more weight on her), and Leonard DiCaprio, a crush I've held onto since like 1992.

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    1. I agree with you, ScarJo does kind of suck, and now that I hear this, she sucks even more. But she's just so hot...I can't help it. She's like a French macaron, she just looks so good!

      And Leo..he is our generation's Clooney...he's a classic. The Basketball Diaries...sigh.

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  3. AnonymousJune 25, 2012

    You were a Groundling?! Of course you were!! No wonder you're so funny!

    My list is Ryan Gosling (predictable), James Spader, Harrison Ford. : )

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    1. Ok so I wasn't "a" Groundling, I just took classes there. Big difference, unfortunately!

      I wasn't up there doing scenes with Lisa Kudrow and Jennifer Coolidge...the closest I got to them was waiting on them in the coffee shop I worked at!

      Thanks for the compliment though. It means a lot! : )

      James Spader...nice touch.

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  4. I heart Tomei and all her movies! Now I want to go watch My Cousin Vinny . . . and add Ralph Macchio to my list.

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    1. Isn't she great? That movie NEVER gets old. She deserved that Academy Award!

      Ralph Macchio doesn't age! He looks exactly the same! What a baby face.

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  5. My list consists of Brad Pitt, Matthew McConaughey, Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth and Angelia Jolie!

    What a great way to have spent your early 20s! And what great memories. Oh how I miss my metabolism being as fast as it once was!

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    1. Thanks! Yeah, I had fun in my 20s. I'll never regret picking up and moving to LA on a whim! I was broke but happy, and now I have fun stories to tell.

      I was also an extra on Mr. and Mrs. Smith and you'll be pleased to know that Brad Pitt was so nice! Exactly how you think he would be; a real down guy! I love when celebs turn out to be as cool as you imagined them to be.

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  6. My list consist of James Franco, Seth Rogen (I have a thing for funny dorky looking guys), and maybe Lana del Rey.

    Ooh I love beehives I just can never seem to get my hair to look right in one. Oh well maybe one day :)

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    1. Lana del Rey is so pretty. When I look at her, I ask myself why don't I look like that? I know her lips are fake and all but it really suits her face. I just wish I liked her music more.

      Seth Rogan. Wow, I wasn't expecting that but you know what being funny can make someone more attractive. Personality does make the person, after all. Nice list!

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  7. I watched the clip, what on earth was that show about? Mmm all of The Strokes, and a bunch of obscure Brits such as Simon Amstell (who's gay, but this is fantasy land), Noel Fielding and F1 driver Jenson Button. Skinny girly men FTW.

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    1. You are so funny! It's a family drama based in the 60s that focuses on social issues of that decade, as well as flashback scenes from American Bandstand with today's stars performing as pop stars from that era. It's been off the air for years, but it had a pretty big following among the baby boomers.

      I had to google half of your list!! Damn, these guys are cute!!

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  8. By the way, I just became your 100th follower, high five!

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  9. AnonymousJune 25, 2012

    Nancy S was so cool! The ultimate 60s chick. Don't have a list, but if I did Jean Dujardin would be on it. About time I have at least one good experience with a Frenchman!

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    1. Jean Dujardin is so fine. Mmmmmmm. I have a thing for Frenchmen though, so I may be biased.

      I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with French guys! Dommage! I say give them another try. It takes a few shoes to find the right fit. ; )

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  10. How many lives have you lived??? Wow! You are so fascinating, funny and fabulous!

    I love your flashback stories. Girl, you have seen a lot!

    My crushes are Jake Gyllenhaal, Chase Crawford, Ryan Reynolds and Gael García Bernal!

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    1. Gael García Bernal! How could I forget him!!!! Oh he is so cute. I loved him in The Science of Sleep. He was such a weirdo! Oh and Nate from Gossip Girl, he is eye candy, but I'm more of a Chuck girl. I guess I have a thing for creepy guys.

      Thank you so much for your sweet comment. It's comments like this that make me feel fabulous, so THANK YOU!!! : )

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  11. You're absolute Tomei (love that Seinfeld) not Hewitt...
    Sir L gets Kate Moss (gross) and I get Leo... oh lovely lovely Romeo & Juliet during the Radiohead song or the song "Little Star" Leo... le sigh.

    Oh - and your time as a period-extra is my dream... i would ADORE to get to dress up in another era... I think I should do that in Paris instead of bring kale to Paris...

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    1. Absolute Tomei! Yes! ...and thank you! I love her!!

      Okay, Kate Moss? Ew. She looks like she smells bad. Is that wrong to say? LOL! And Leo..nice choice..he is a classic. You know that I have never seen Romeo & Juliet? I'm a traitor to my generation!!!

      That jobs was super fun. I loved going out for drinks after work and getting double takes from bar patrons. One old man asked me if The Sha Na Nas were in town!

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    2. OK. When you're back, we're going to have period cocktail trolley drinks and watch Romeo & Juliet at my place. I have the DVD. x

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  12. Love this post. I couldn't stop giggling.

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  13. This just might be my favorite post of yours ever.
    My exception list: Sean Penn, Sean Bean (I've got a thing for the Seans) and #RyanGosling because obviously.

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