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Is Sharing Caring?


Illustration by Cécile Mancion

Since I have been staying with Aurel during my transition of finding a new home, and sorting out my paper work, we've been getting a taste of what domestic life would be like together. I forgot what it's like to live with a man, and am thankful that every night is not date night. I'm free to do my nerdy single girl things like watching bad American television in the other room with while I instant message Kitty who is six hours behind in New York at work. If I really wanted to go all out, I'd whip up one of my homemade masks but we're not at sugar scrub egg white status yet. Maybe in another year.

Last night, wanting in on some of my American bliss, Aurel requested to watch an episode the Golden Girls, to see what all the fuss was about. Yes, I do make a fuss about it. Feeling festive by his interest in my customs, I poured ourselves two large glasses of rosé, filled up a bowl of terrible French tortilla chips, lit the sparkling mint candles that Ginger gave us in April, cracked open the windows to let in the spring air, and launched into season three of my four my favorite old ladies. I was so excited. If this went well, the opportunities would be endless! We could move onto Hot in Cleveland, Chelsea Lately or even Housewives New Jersey. I'm fanning myself from how worked up I'm getting.

Nestled on his couch, we started an episode that I've seen over a thousand times, but focused a bit more than usual in order to be prepared for potential translation questions, as my illegal GG download never gives me the option of French subtitles. The episode lead the girls to a supermarket, and Aurel who pays attention to detail made a comment about the clerk's 80s haircut. I agreed that his haircut was a bit dated, but before I could finish my sentence, I took another look at the guy. What had I seen him in before? He looked so familiar. I love figuring out the who's who, the who's been in what, and who's become who when watching old shows. Like when we discovered George Clooney was the undercover cop in the  stake out episode...so satisfying. 

The clerk on the other hand, seemed more familiar than George, perhaps someone I have met, and then it hit me. I let out a very noticeable gasp. How could I have completely forgotten about this? I guess somewhere between leaving LA, moving to Brooklyn, changing jobs, learning French, moving to Paris, planning a wedding and then not planning a wedding, and everything else that has happened since 2003, it somehow slipped my mind that I've more than just seen this guy before, I had carnal knowledge of him. If I didn't feel old and crusty before, seeing a guy I slept with in a rerun of the Golden Girls certainly seals the deal.

Combing through my memory, going back over ten years, I remembered a conversation we had over dinner at The Spanish Kitchen on La Cienega where he had told me that he was in an episode of the Golden Girls, but I swear I thought he was kidding! How could I not?! What guy in his 20s could possibly be in an episode of the Golden Girls?!

In my muted hysteria, and not wanting Aurel to think that his girlfriend was a total ho, I quietly grabbed my laptop to confirm that it was in fact him. His updated IMDB page revealed that he wasn't 29 like he had told me at the time, but rather he was 39, which is just living proof that dating in LA is a nightmare. On top of his GG gig as "Annoyed Clerk", there was also an episode of House that I actually once saw with MF, who would have had a heart attack had he knew, and an episode of The Shield that I watched with my brother, who would be less than thrilled thinking about his sister with this dude. Hey, at least the guy is still working. Good for him. 

Being pulled out of my self-inflicted implosion by the intense stare of Aurel, who clearly wanted to know what the hell I was doing, brought up an internal debate. Do I tell him about the Golden Girls guy? How much do you share with your partner about your past? Things like the number of guys you've been with, a history of any recreational drug use, if you've ever slept with an extra on an 80s sitcom if you've ever cheated on your taxes. How much is too much information? Me, I'm honest to a fault where in the past, offering too much information has led to misunderstandings that led to the demise of the relationship. Where do you draw the line between over-sharing and being shady and secretive?

I'm still trying to find that healthy balance. 

10 comments:

  1. Sorry, I got all stalky again (I swear, I don't usually use my GoogleFu for evil) - he looks kind of like a magician, although I'm impressed that he pulled off 10 years younger...

    As for sharing, I don't have a partner so it's moot, but I think in any case these things should come up organically (say through watching a GG episode!) rather than either partner grilling the other, especially when it comes to something like how many people you've been with. I don't think you have an automatic "right" to know all the details about someone's past, but on the other hand, if there was something big, like you'd had a kid or been born a man or whatever, it probably is reasonable to bring that up before things get too serious.

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    1. Thanks for the FYI! I've changed some of the deets to protect his identity!! Overall, he was a nice guy....just older than I thought and in an episode of the Golden Girls. I think it was his sense of humor that got me to go out with him, he was hilarious!

      And yeah, he does sort of look like a magician!

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  2. AnonymousMay 24, 2012

    I remember this! I too haven't thought about that in years!!! This was right when you moved to LA, you're were at the West Hollywood apartment! That feels like forever ago! Thanks for making me laugh at work!

    He was on the Golden Girls? I told you he looked old! LOL!

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    1. LOL! I know, I haven't thought about it in years either...not until I saw this episode! He he he.

      Too funny. I really thought he was joking about the GG thing.

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  3. I err on the side that a little mystery keeps the spark alive . . . but that's just me.

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    1. That's probably best. I'll remember that when I'm ready to over-share! I can't resist sometimes...either I can't or the wine. : )

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  4. Eek! This is a difficult one but I would agree with Gwan, if it comes up in conversation then obviously don't lie but if you have to give a run down of everyone and thing you've done in the past that's a bit too cray.

    So what did Seb think of Golden Girls? Does he now understand the awesomeness that is Sophia and Rose?

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    1. He liked the girls. I did have to translate some things because the jokes are a bit old or are based on pop culture. For example, I had explain the awesomeness of Sophia calling Blanche a slut puppy. Too too good!

      Yeah, I have learned over the years to TRY to keep things to myself but sometimes I slip and tell too much. I ended keeping the GG sighting to myself! It wasn't an important "relationship", if you know what I mean. ; )

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  5. AnonymousMay 25, 2012

    Funny story Ella! I'm very strict about this one --- I do not want to know where my man's pinga has been. And, I better not ever find out. He was a virgin before he met me, and that's that! LOL. I don't ever share sexual info about my past. I may say "I went on a date with ___, nothing happened or anything, just a dinner and goodbye" (if I'm explaining a date story) and that's it. If we happened to be watching TV and there's a guy I've slept with on screen (like Jean Dujardin, obv I've done him) and it's obvious that something's up due to my facial expression/gasping/crying(HA), I would prob just say "Oh, I went on a date with him once/ or I knew him/ he was my friend in LA" .. I'd never reveal the juicy part. Hope that helped! I think it's a huge turn-off to share who you've had sex with to your S.O. (I've seen couples do it who seemed cool with it, but I am not and I think the majority of people prefer to not know either) :P ...Et toi ?

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  6. That story is so so hilarious. I love it - how funny! As for the sharing bit... hmmm. We didn't share. We know there were gf and bf before and we know who they were and why they ended up sucking BUT we never went into details about intimacy. I don't want to know but then there's that little voice inside me that always thinks, "what is his number"? It definitely is a fine line.

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