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Day 300: Champagne!


I know that I've said it before, but I can't believe how fast time is going by! I'm almost hitting a year! What's going to happen in these last 65 days? I'm prepared for anything - as long as it doesn't involve me getting robbed again by someone that I know - I'm game for anything. It's incredible how the first 30 days went by excruciatingly slow, where I felt like I just wanted to die, as everything seemed to be moving in slow motion to now where time is slipping away.

Saying that I must tell you guys that I did something. Something that I have been avoiding for a year that could have either been cathartic or completely catastrophic. What did I do? I waited in front of MF's restaurant in the pouring rain wearing a Burberry trench, reflecting on old times...

I'm totally kidding. Scared you, didn't I? How creepy would that have been? While I didn't reenact a scene from an old film noir movie, I did pull out my old PC that has been stored in the back of my closet and looked at old photos of my former life here. Why would I attempt emotional suicide? I'm not sure exactly why, but I needed to look at these photos to take my emotional temperature on the whole ordeal, to see exactly where I was at with everything that had happened. For the past year, I have been so terrified of crossing paths with these memories that haunt me, that I went as far as replacing my PC for MAC (which was the best impulsive decision) to avoid revisiting my old life - my old life that seemed to have changed over night.

So, the verdict after taking a walk down memory lane, going through photos of past birthdays, Christmases and 14 Juillets? Do you really want to know? I don't blame you if you don't, or if you don't really care, but this is something that I had to do for me. Well, as it turns out, I wasn't as haunted by the past as I had thought and feel like a weight has been lifted. That feeling of heartbreak that I feared would return like Georgina on Gossip Girl, never did. I guess it shouldn't after a year, but as we all know, our hearts have a funny way of operating, where they have a way of negotiating the facts to persuade our heads to follow them. In this case, my head and heart were actually in agreement. Finally.

The only sadness that I did feel, was not for the loss of him and my former "friends", but for the loss of the wide-eyed, trusting person that I used to be. A girl that didn't believe that someone would purposefully go out of their way to hurt me like Phil did, a person that didn't believe that people, who were supposed to be my friends here would secretly take pleasure in my misery and add salt to my wounds by speaking terribly about me, a person who didn't think that someone would kick me when she knew that I was already down and would rob me like the shady sublet did, and the person who thought that MF loved me - for me. I now know that he only loved the idea of me.

My little blast from the past with my ancient Dell laptop allowed me to understand once again that the past is just that; the past. I've lost count of the people in my life that have come and gone. Friends, acquaintances, lovers, boyfriends and the worst, relatives who have passed, so there is no reason that MF would be an exception to this. We're not supposed to take everyone with us in our journey of life.

Returning to the present: I got home from work an hour ago and am in pain - good pain, but in pain. I screech from a sharp ache in my lower back when I bend down to take off my shoes, my feet sting when they get wet in the shower from the high heels that I've been wearing for 13 hours straight, and the whites of my eyes are a lovely shade of crimson, from lack of sleep but it feels good to know that I worked my ass off today. Aurelien just opened a bottle of champagne and we are celebrating, not because I'm over MF and appreciating life again (because that's starting to get played out besides the fact that it would be weird to celebrate that with him) but because he was on TeleMatin this morning (I'm so proud of him!), because spring is creeping in on us (has anyone noticed?), because I'm loving the hustle of Fashion Week (for the most part) and tout va bien (et voilà!).

Today was a great day, even if I am walking like an old lady and the models are acting like Naomi Campbell, where I had one storm out during an important meeting.  

In fun Fashion Week gossip, to lighten up this post a bit, I met a famous fashion editor in the showroom today...(no, not her!) Which one? I can't say, but what I will say is that she may or may not be a judge on a fashion contest reality show, and I'm here to report that despite her cold demeanor on said show, she was actually quite lovely. Who would have thought?  

15 comments:

  1. Seb was on Télématin this morning?! Really?! God! I can watch it in The Hague! Wow! Sometimes I even watch it when I'm not pressed for time!:) What was he there for?

    You did your Spring cleaning, it would seem:) Funny how coordinated we seem to be: last weekend, I went through my emails and did some major Spring cleaning myself! I had emails from 2004 in some folders! And emails from people I don't want in my life anymore... so what I did is flush them out. I must have deleted 800 of them on Saturday. The Universe hates a void. If you create one, it'll fill it up with something else, usually something better. So by doing my e-Spring cleaning, I made room for something new!:) And there's a lot of newness on the horizon. I told my boss yesterday that my last day of work would be the 15th of May... We're going back home the next day (or about). My old job beckons. I feel a bit sad, but I'm also super excited to start the next chapter in my life and have a lot more time for my grad work!:) And see old friends and move back into our downtown condo (miss it like crazy!). Life is good.

    I hope your Spring cleaning will bring you all sorts of positive changes as well!

    Bisous

    Duchesse:)

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    1. Seb is promoting a project he has just launched that it is starting to get press. He was in French Glamour last month! LOL!! I can't say much more. : ( And no, I'm not like secretly dating Romain Duris or someone famous. He's just a normal guy with a dream...just like me.

      So you've left Europe now? For good? Are you in Canada now? I understand how you feel, I always feel both sad and excited about moving on to the next chapter. Change is good though and I feel like the theme for 2012 is good changes.

      Good luck with the next phase and enjoy the spring that is very much here!

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  2. Hooray for Spring! Hooray for Seb and hooray for all being well in the world.
    WE are lucky women. x

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    1. Totally! Life is good.

      How beautiful has it been here? Spring makes me feel like I'm on drugs. I love it so much!

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  3. whew...I'm all caught up...and yes the pink is a give away so here's my trick...I copy and past the text of each post onto a blank email...so it looks like i'm reading a hugh problem email and everyone has sympathy for me..poor Deb..the shit she has to read..ha ha

    I watch TeleMatin here in Toronto on TV5...what was Seb doing on there? talking to William or was it the week he was off and the younger guy was there....?

    bon weekend Ella!

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    1. Now that's is crafty!!! Very cool. It would look like very long e-mails! I tend to be a bit chatty when I write. I was never one of those "say more by saying less" kinda gals. I kind of just let it all out.

      Thank you so much for enjoying my blog as much as I enjoy writing it. And thank you Duchess for passing on my crazy life to Deb!

      I love my readers!

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  4. Congratulations on day 300 - it's a significant milestone!

    Just as changing your Dell for a Mac was a wise move, so was exchanging MF for Seb. You're a wise woman. As Duchesse said, your Spring cleaning will reap positive rewards.

    Cheers - Here's looking forward to the next 65 days!

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    1. Cheers and thank you!!

      It's funny how all of the changes felt so awkward at first. Going from PC to Mac was tough and had to get used to how it operated and the different functions. After some time, the Mac was like second nature where I can't even imagine having a PC with all of its problems, viruses, and quirks. PCs were just not for me. I'm a Mac girl now!

      Clearly I'm not just talking about computers here. :)

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  5. Wow! Cheers to you and Seb! I'm so happy all is well in the world for you! I cannot wait for what the next 65 days will hold! But, you should really consider staying on longer...pretty please! ;)
    xo

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    1. I have no idea what will happen after 60 days. It's a mystery to me too! Knowing me I'll cook something up!

      Thanks for your support!!

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  6. Yay for spring cleaning! The next 65 days are going to be exceptional, Ella!

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    1. Thanks Sue! They already feel pretty good...except for a small hiccup at Paris Fashion Week that made me feel less than Fab...but it happens..

      Thanks again! xo!

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  7. Ooh, did you meet Kelly Cutrone??

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    1. No, it wasn't her. She doesn't really come to Paris for FW...and she is NOT lovely in person.

      Keep guessing!

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