connect!

Day 260: Missed Connections. Part 2.


Back when I was living in Brooklyn, my roommate Ivanka and I used to send each other cryptic messages on the missed connections boards on craigslist. We'd write things like "What does wine + Bret Michaels equal? Us...tonight..VH1. See you on the west end of the couch." This was how we entertained ourselves for most of 2006 at our jobs that we hated. She, a receptionist at a headhunting firm and me an associate at an iconic fashion house. 

After I had asked Ben to leave when he referred to our two months spent together as a casual sex arrangement, I wrote an anonymous and vague note on missed connections gently voicing my confusion about the neighbor sex buddy debacle. I'm not sure why I did this, perhaps to serve as a cathartic way of expressing my disappointment, or maybe I was foreshadowing this blog, or maybe I was just 25, bored and dumb? I really don't know why but I did it. I published the simple two line post and went to sleep, not expecting much from it. 

The following morning at work, I found an e-mail waiting for me from the missed connections post. I expected it to be from some creepy internet troll looking for a desperate girl but when I opened it, I was shocked to see that it was from Ben. Ben?! I had never talked about this message board with him before and couldn't believe that after he had left my apartment, he went on to craiglist, read and responded to a post that could or couldn't have been from me. It was all too weird.

I opened the e-mail and this is the gem that I found: 

From: b@douchebag.com
To: anonymous@craiglist.org
Re: Neighbor Disconnect!

You wanted more and it was never that serious between us. Move on. Don't get all psycho...

B

What a little punk. I wanted more? "More" is not wanting to be labeled a sex buddy? How demanding of me...and don't even get me started on the psycho remark. Once again, this is why I don't date American men anymore. 

Since my boss hadn't come in yet, I called Kitty at her office and quickly recapped what had happened. "What a loser," she said while slurping her coffee, "No, really, when I met him he thought he was hipster hot stuff. How annoying, ok I'm going to take care of this." I forgot that I had introduced Kitty to Ben one night in the hallway and he was aghast because Kitty didn't know who the band Clap Your Hands Say Yeah were. Give me a break. The girl came out of the wall at her wedding, dancing to Rhianna's "We Found Love". There is no way that she was going to know the band Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. That guy was such an ass.

"What are you going to do?" I asked her, worried yet intrigued what she had up her sleeve. "Just forward the e-mail to me and let me handle it." I've known Kitty since we were 12 so I trusted that she wouldn't embarrass me and sent her the e-mail.

A few hours later I received a forwarded e-mail correspondence from Kitty that read: 

From: kitty@scaryfinancejob.com
To: ella@infashionhell.com
Fw: Neighbor Disconnect!

This guy is a douche. Call me later.
You're welcome and please...don't ever do this again! 

--Forwarded message--

From: stacey@idontexist.com
To: b@douchebag.com
Re: Neighbor Disconnect!

Hi...

Is this Brad who lives in Gramercy Park? 

If it is, I'm really hurt by your e-mail but I guess I have to accept it. I'll see you around the building. 

Best,

Stacey

From: b@douchebag.com
To: stacey@idontexist.com
Re: Neighbor Disconnect!

Oh, I feel kind of dumb. I thought you were my neighbor Ella who I guess wasn't sweating me much as I thought. I hope everything works out with you and Brad. Sorry for the mix-up. 

Ben  

Upon reading the e-mail from "Stacey", I almost choked on my Pret-a-Manger sandwich. Staring back at her handy work, I had never laughed so hard at work in my life. She knew that I'd never go through the trouble of making a fake e-mail to put him in his place but since it wasn't tax season, she had some extra time on her hands to mastermind this. It was genius.

Up until this weekend, this was my last correspondence with Ben. He had moved out of the building a month later without telling me, never to be heard from again. A few months later I was transferred downtown to work at the corporate office of my favorite designer where I met my French bosses and Georges, the IT guy from Normandy...this was when my life completely changed. 

12 comments:

  1. Kitty's awesome! And yeah, in every romantic movie (and apparently dickish guy's head), if a guy pulls some sort of move that would otherwise be called stalkerish or obsessive, it's sooo romantic and awesome and if a girl does it she's a clingy psycho freak.

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    1. Isn't Kitty awesome. She is perfect for finance because she is straight-forward, no b.s and shoots from the hip, so it didn't surprise me that she just handled this without feeding into the drama.

      But yeah, I'm the psycho but if he did it, it was be an "awww" moment.

      Oh, society...

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  2. This has to be the best post ever! I like how Kitty made it seem that he was totally full of himself to just assume that he was the center of that missed connection. Ha! So, now I am dying to know, was it tres awkward seeing him again?!
    xo

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    1. Thanks, Miss L!

      It wasn't that awkward because so many years have passed and he was slightly sheepish because he sent an email to "Stacey" thinking he was hot shit and was put in his place. I was smirking during our reunion.

      I LOVED telling him that I have been living in Paris because he used to tell me that he spoke French (at this time, I wouldn't have known the difference) and his eyes widened in fear that I'd start "parlaying" with him.

      Like I said before...what. an. ass. He he he, this story still makes me laugh!

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  3. Hahaha - love it!!!!

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  4. MISSED CONNECTIONS! Amaze-balls.
    In 2008/2009, my roommate and I were obsessed with Missed Connections (and she actually dated someone for a few months that she met up with over Casual Encounters - don't judge...but he was psycho).
    One day her and I both posted a missed connection from an afternoon spent in SoHo. Mine was a guy I was making eye contact with at Cafe Select and hers was a guy she high-fived at the MoMa Design Store but he was with a girlfriend. We posted our MC at the same time and then received responses around the same time.
    Separately we googled the guy that responded - Jared Grasso who was an assistant basketball coach at Fordham. Both thinking we were cool that we got responses (although my guy's response did not sound like the guy I thought was cute), we started telling each other what we found out about the man that responded... only to find out it was the same person!!
    THAT was my last time playing around with Missed Connections.

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    1. LOL! I know! When was the last time you thought of the Missed Connections board on craigslist?!?!

      Your story is GREAT! What a creep!! Did he go through the trouble of changing his name for both of you?!

      "She met up with over Casual Encounters - don't judge" I "missed connectioned" my neighbor...who am I to judge!!?? LOL!

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  5. The fact that he saw it on craigslist, assumed it was you talking about him (but so what if he was right) and then emailed you about it just shows what a total douche he was. ICK.
    And Kitty is awesome. Every girl needs a Kitty.

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    1. Aww, I just sent your comment to her and she thanks you.

      Every girl does need a Kitty. I have yet to find the Parisienne version...I doubt I ever will. She's one of a kind.

      Ugh, how annoying is this dude though?!

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  6. Et vlan dans les dents!:)

    This is TOO excellent!:)))

    I love it when a douchebag gets put in his place!:)

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    1. Thanks! How satisfying is it?!

      This guy was so gross! I forgot to put his profession in the post. You'd think by his douchy actions, he'd be some dude who makes money in finance and who gets his pick with women, right?

      Yeah, no...

      He was a tour guide at Rockefeller Center and would flake on his shifts by calling in sick, not showing up and leaving early. His 'profession' did come in handy because I got a tour of Top of the Rock for free on my lunch break but other than that...not so cool.

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