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Day 253: Network Your Love?


During one of Aurel's last dinners here in New York, we were out having dinner with Kitty and João at the ultimate American restaurant chain, Friday's (which is a whole other story in itself) and the topic of Facebook came up. Kitty was telling us about when her and João where first dating, they weren't sure when to change their statuses to "In a relationship" and debating on when is the right time to do it. They, of course, asked us at what point did we finally announce our "everlasting love" on Facebook.

We looked at each other with a chuckle and broke it to them that we were in fact, not "friends" on Facebook. There was silence followed by a look of confusion on both Kitty and João's face. How are we not Facebook friends? Absurdity! How shady!

João who knows me better than he knows Aurel felt comfortable to jokingly ask me what I was hiding from my boyfriend. "Nothing," I told him, "I'm not hiding anything. I just don't think we need to add each other on Facebook if we talk every day." Aurelb who only uses Facebook to promote his blog has never been concerned about our Facebook non-status and jumped in and told them that it was never addressed it because it never mattered. "So you're both shady!" João said while taking a swig of his Corona. "Honey, they're an artsy couple, the don't care about that kind of stuff!" Kitty said to him, trying to justify our perceived stance against social media with our love of indie rock and street art. "Ok, I'm not artsy," I said while popping a waffle fry into my mouth, "Beyoncé's "Video Phone" is one of my favorite songs and you know that." I said trying to defend us and that we weren't elitists who were too good to add each other on Facebook. We were in a Friday's restaurant for crying out loud.

The thing is that I've been down this road before and ended up regretting it. I accepted Monsieur Flâneur's request (something I had initially resisted), a person that I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with and it ended up being a mess when we broke up. I remember avoiding Facebook like the Champs-Élysées in June because I was terrified that I was going to wake up one morning and see that he had changed his status to single, something that would have ripped my heart out at the time - especially before my first sip of coffee. To this day, I'm constantly reminded of my former life because I'm still friends with his brother, his cousins, his best friends from high school and his customers from his restaurant where our Facebook friendships are the pink elephant on our news feed.

I intend on keeping Facebook and Twitter at a distance with Aurelb for the time being. Should we take our relationship to the next level, we can revisit this, but for now, I'd like to keep this part of our lives a mystery.

What do you guys think? Does withholding your Facebook "friendship" with your partner communicate a lack of trust in your relationship and your future together as a couple?

24 comments:

  1. I'm with you - or I would be, if I had a boyfriend! Especially in the early stages - who wants to have to have that "in a relationship" debate or to meet up for a second date with someone and realise that facebook has inadvertently pre-empted your funny cake disaster story or be tempted to go through his photos and wonder which girls are his exes etc. etc.

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    1. LOL! Exactly! It opens a can of worms, not to mention the misunderstandings that can happen. I'm not saying that I'm against it, I just think I want to wait a bit longer before going digital!

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  2. First things first -- Seb has a blog?!? I kept clicking on his name and it doesn't take me anywhere! Where's the hidden link - that's what Kitty and Joao should have asked.

    I've gotta laugh because I've been fascinated by this whole "Facebook relationship status" thing every since my kids told me about it. I'm so glad that I didn't have to make all of these complicated decisions. My son isn't "friends" with his girlfriend on Facebook either, so it's not unheard of. Although my daughter and I did question him, somewhat relentlessly, about when and if they would take their relationship to the next level. ;)

    Your posts still aren't showing up in my reader so I'm going to unfollow and then follow you again to see if that solves the problem.

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    1. My mom says the same thing! She's glad that she never had to worry about friend requesting my dad.

      What's funny is that I'd give my brother a hard time too if he didn't friend request his girlfriend! So I totally get you and your daughter's teasing in regard to not going "social media" with his gf!

      I emailed blogspot about this issue and as you could imagine, it wasn't exactly high on their priorities because I never heard back (Are they French?!). Did it work when you unfollowed and followed again? What a pain this whole domain change has been!

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    2. Yes! I'm happy to say that it worked. It' such a relief to see your posts showing up in my reader again. I felt all discombobulated not seeing them, especially since your in NY and not Paris!

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  3. Neither my husband nor I are on FB because 1) we're not bothered and 2) we don't have time.

    What does that say about us?;)

    By the way... to answer your previous question (the one you asked me when I was in Venice:)) - I'm doing a Master's in Sustainable Peace in the Contemporary World:)

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    1. That says that you two are too busy doing more important things like studying Sustainable Peace in the Contemporary World (seriously, how cool!) than futzing around on facebook! Bravo. Wish I could same the same!
      : )

      Bon week-end! xo.

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  4. I was friends with my boyfriend because we had been roommates before, but I JUST added the relationship on facebook, because we pacsed and it started to seem really ridiculous not to have it on there. I totally agree with not adding it, for all the reasons you said. Facebook isn't real life!

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    1. I totally agree. Once you get married or get PACsed, I'd say it would be appropriate to add each other! LOL! Can you imagine not doing it? How weird.

      I should have held out a little longer with my ex...

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  5. Mon ami is not on my personal Facebook, nor will he ever be. Hells to the No. I live with the guy; been with him almost 3 years TMI! Not gonna' happen.
    Grenobloise.wordpress.com

    (my posts are never showing up so I have to use Anon)

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    1. Ha! I totally knew it was you before I got to the end of your comment! How funny. I think it was the "Hells to the No" that gave you away. So you!

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    2. I couldn't help myself. :)

      I can't speak/write that way with my English or Australian friends; they'd just think I'm ca-razay. I dead-pan a lot as well.. and it seems to not translate well outside of North America. #alreadyweirddon'tneedtomakeitworse
      Grenobloise

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  6. Totally #firstworldproblems here, but Jesus...adding my French ex to Facebook/disclosing my Twitter handle lead to some of the most ridiculous drama/conversations known to man...ironically it was what brought us together initially, since when we met I didn't know my French cell # by heart so he gave me his number and we exchanged names "just in case".

    Big mistake. In addition to feeling under a microscope:

    -Unrelenting suspicion over a funny GAY friend on Facebook who likes to post inappropriate comments on my photos
    -Spanish Inquisition anytime his friends/family would add/comment me
    -Tweets taken out of contexts, to the point he remembers them word for word, to this day!

    A whole lot of headache, not to mention painful at the end with us both waiting for the other one to change their relationship status, de-friending, re-friending, status stalking, text messages. Although for that I take partial responsibility, I participated in that portion of the crazy.

    Anyways, no. Not a good idea. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever again. Maybe I'll reevaluate after marriage, but I doubt it.

    PS. I've been checking my reader for updates for weeks! I started thinking something bad happened or you were so happy with Seb you gave up blogging! :) URL change messed up my feed I think?

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    1. Wow! What a mess! I can't believe you went through all of that. My jaw is dropped.

      This just proves my point more. The misunderstandings are the worst! MF used to get so jealous. The best was when he got mad at someone who wrote "Hey hot stuff!" on my wall who turned out to be my cousin Anthony who changed his name to something stupid for the day. MF felt like an ass when I told him.

      Ugh, the waiting for the status change is pure torture. I've seen couples change their status to single where their friends "like" it. Can you imagine?!?! MF had tons of female friends whom I knew didn't like me and I'm sure they "liked" his newly single status. I couldn't handle seeing that.

      I say no to social networking your man! Not until you know for sure...like delivery room, baby popping out sure!

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    2. Ps - I'm so glad you found me again and didn't think that I gave you all up for a guy!!!! Come on!! Didn't I learn anything this year?!? :P

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  7. Hold the phone! Séb has a blog?

    Can't help you regarding the other thing. I trust no one! (Just joshing! Sort of!)

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  8. Crap! Just read the comments (or some of them) and Mary Kay beat me to it!

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  9. C & I didn't "friend" each other on FB until we got engaged. Everyone around me was telling me it was weird but C barely uses FB and I still believe a lady needs to have her secrets. He doesn't read my twitter feed nor my blog either - I really like the idea of having a "jardin secret".

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    1. I'm glad I'm not the only one who withholds her blog from her man! I thought I was being shady! While I have nothing to hide and he knows about everything I post and have lived out most of these posts with me, as you said, it's nice to have a "secret garden".

      ps- your honeymoon looked fabulous! I love the butler post! You and C were treated like royalty...very cool. Welcome back!

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  10. Such an awesome post! Thanks for commenting on mine, I can definitely see how we relate. I'm really happy to be off of the site, and I don't plan on re-joining anytime soon. It's refreshing and exhilarating to be free of my past :)

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    1. Thanks Stephanie!! And good for you! Letting go of Facebook is the first step in letting go. Geez, who knew that it would be so powerful. Scary.

      If you ever want to vent about your break-up or laugh, come visit us over here! We're a fun group!!

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  11. I love this. How sad that not one conversation goes by where I say, "well, I saw on Facebook..." The Lancelots are friends on facebook and "married" on facebook. Recently Lancelot added my cousin and mom as "family," which I think is a silly feature and I honestly don't think he understood what he was doing.

    One of my ex-bfs and I were friends on FB because we were friends before we started dating but he never went on FB so we weren't in a relationship. Another ex de-friended me after I broke up with him, which was fine by me. I still like FB and have fun tagging Lancelot in places/photos with me.... but if people aren't into it, that's fine too.

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    1. I say "I saw on Facebook" more often than I'd like to admit myself...sigh of the times, I suppose.

      When I get married, I will certainly add my partner and announce our status and see nothing wrong or tacky about it.

      I just sometimes think people (myself included) jump the gun in social networking your boyfriend and then it's awkward when you have to change back to single, because let's face it..it happens. I think I see that awkward change to 'single' with my fb friends once every few weeks and it opens up a can of worms, comments and the worst: "likes".

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