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Day 250: Move Like Jagger.

Illustration by Cécile Mancion

As predicted, watching the Golden Globes on Sunday did exactly what I thought it would: made me feel lame and fat but what it also did was inspire me to run that extra 15 minutes on the treadmill and stay for the "Thigh Melt" class when I so wanted to go home and make a soy café au lait (au soja?). So I guess some good came out of watching celebrities dripping in diamonds and haute couture doing that annoying thing where they cock their heads back and fake laugh once they realize that the camera has panned on them.

Watching the pre-show red carpet footage, I was surprised to see Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine in his little tuxedo at the show since the Globes are exclusively for film and television. But because I have been living under a rock France for the past three years, I miss out on all the "top news", one being that he is apparently the host of a hit television show, hence his appearance at the Golden Globes. Every time I see him, I can't help but blush from embarrassment, remembering the time that I met him.

Picture it. Casino de Paris. March 2011.

It was almost two weeks after MF ended things and I was staying at my (now former) friend Karoline and Gabriel's apartment near Bastille until I sorted out my situation. My nights were sleepless where I was kept awake from the sound of my own thoughts bouncing through my head as well as the sound of crying mice who were caught in the mouse trap behind the loveseat that I was sleeping on. I look back on these days as living in a cold, sad and well, unsanitary haze, except for one night.

Karoline had come home from work and handed me a ticket that her boss had given her to see Maroon 5 the following week at the Casino de Paris. She was unable to go because her mother was coming in from Michigan and we both thought that it would lift my spirits to go see an American band in Paris, so off this heartbroken girl went.

Looking forward to my date with myself, I got as dolled up as I could, trying to merchandise the few things that I grabbed in haste from my apartment with MF and arrived at the Casino de Paris in the 9th long before the show started. I regretted not bringing my book and wondered how I was going to pass time until the show started. It wasn't until I saw the holy grail, the solution to everything, that I knew I was going to be just fine for at least an hour: a champagne bar. That's what I love about France, a glass of real champagne is always a reasonable request. If I asked for a glass of bubbly at a New York rock club, I shudder to think what would be served to me - white wine with a splash of club soda? Most likely. 

I took down two glasses of champagne on an empty stomach and saw absolutely nothing wrong in escorting myself backstage. In French, with my thick New York accent, I told the bouncer that I was with the band and can only assume that he just didn't want to deal with me because he let me in. Liquid courage at its finest.

What? I was in? How was I in? I felt like Penny Lane in...ok, that's exaggerating, I felt like William, the little boy in Almost Famous. The spirit backstage was alive with roadies and managers who were breezing in and out of walkways and talking in headsets to get ready for the show. I planted myself at the backstage bar before anyone noticed that I didn't have a pass and sipped on a complimentary glass of red wine. 

After burdening the bartender with my heartbreak woes, he was quickly rescued by the excitement of the band who came in with an entourage to take photos with sponsors, guests, and VIPs. Laughing along with the crew as if I was so "in", I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. This was it, now I was going to get kicked out, I thought. I gulped down the last of my wine before turning around to see their tour manager looking at me. "Do you want your photo taken with the band?" he asked. Oh, well I wasn't expecting that. "Yes," I responded, scared that if I had said no, he would ask to see credentials. I jumped down from the bar stool and realized that I was a little drunker than I had thought and stumbled towards one of America's biggest bands staring back at me.

"Bonjoooooooour, Maroon Cinq!" I said holding up my wine glass like an ass. I didn't know what else to say or why I was speaking French to these Southern California boys. I guess heartbreak makes us do mysterious things. There was silence from the band who just stared back at me, so clearly, I continued. "Les américains sont arrivés!". Silence. Hmmm, ok. "My boyfriend dumped me and I'm heartbroken?" I finally surrendered with, which then triggered a round of cheers and we all huddled in for the least cool photo in rock history. Their "groupie" had one eye open, purple teeth from the red wine and was inching close to Adam like a total nerd, as if we were friends from way back.

As I was about to exit backstage and watch the show with other concert goers, I figured I had gone this far and wanting to channel my newly acquired inner Band-Aid status, decided to watch the show from the side of the stage in the hopes of blending in with the other Victoria Secret models. You don't need me to tell you that I stuck out like a sore thumb. 

After jamming out to "Misery" - the official song of my break-up - like someone who has nothing to lose, the tour manager who at this point grew suspicious at who this weird girl was, came back wanting to know who I was there with. I knew it, now I was so going to get busted, kicked out and arrested. I was ready to confess to my ruse but before I could, my alter-ego for the evening blurted "Sara Bareilles!" "she," said, "I'm with Sara Bareilles!". I lied and told him that I was with the opening act, singer/song-writer Sara Bareilles who I then had to hide from behind the "sound guy" when she was hanging out at the side of the stage before her duet with the band. 

I made it throughout the entire show without getting kicked out and/or arrested and did what all girls do when they've just gotten their hearts broken and dragged through the mud - got drunk and had fun! Even if I was alone in Paris...

On my way home on the metro, I texted the photo to Kitty in New York who at the time was growing worried about me but grew less upon seeing me with my new "friends" Maroon 5. "Only you would get dumped and a week later sends me a photo with you hanging out with famous people," she wrote back "You'll be just fine." She then took the liberty to post it on facebook. Within minutes, I got a nasty text from MF who saw my tag, asking what the hell was I doing and accused me of moving on from him too quickly - with Maroon 5. What an idiot.  

It was the first time I had laughed in weeks and at the time, I had no idea that it was also going to be the last time in months but I got through it. Looking back, I couldn't imagine a better way to spend those first heart-wrenching weeks. And all I can say, ladies, is posing next to Adam Levine to show your ex that there are other fish in the sea and having him respond - just priceless.



28 comments:

  1. How many lives have you lived? You do have stories to tell!

    Watching those people at award shows always makes me glad that I'm not them. Wouldn't mind their cash though. ;-)

    wv: dystest. I dystest them aholes!

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  2. Can we see the photo? Please?

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    1. Anonymous wanting to see my photo...the irony. :)
      I'll put it up at some point, even if it is completely embarrassing.

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    2. this anonymous is NOT me, just saying...

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    3. You know I thought that! ha!

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  3. I would like to second Anonymous. How many lives HAVE you lived?? This is too excellent!

    I can't wait to read about your forthcoming adventures. You have incredible talent (I assume your story-telling abilities extend to all of your other endeavors)! One day, some drunk foreign girl will be saying that she's with Ella Coquine. :)

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    1. I'm a bit older than you ladies. :)

      You too will have your collection of crazy stories to tell (living in France, you already do!) ! Je te jure! :)

      Thank you for your kind comment, Miss MCJ. :)

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  4. That is the BEST breakup/make-your-ex-jealous story ever! Adam Levine makes me blush every time I see him, because he's so gorgeous.

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    1. He is such a babe and a pretty nice guy too...from what I can remember. My ex's eyes widened when he saw this! It was too satisfying!

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  5. Love this post, and yes please I'd love to see the photo.

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    1. At some point I'll put it up. I have to muster up the courage to put a really ugly photo of myself on the internet. :)

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  6. Well, people/fans are asking for the photo!
    Quand l'objet de l'histoire est une photo avec des rock stars mais que tu ne la publies pas, tu donnes "le bâton pour te faire battre" ma pote!
    I think the "due time" is coming!

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  7. Awesome, my mum would be jealous. I don't really know who Maroon 5 are, but she likes 'em. That probably sounds awful and catty but it's not meant to be. Also drinking in a bar by myself right now ha ha. Anyway, good luck with future mystery adventures!

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    1. Not catty at all, Gwan! :) They're a pop rock band. You know, I wasn't much of a fan until this night but they put on a good show which is what won me over.

      You inspired me to have a glass of wine...the difference between me and you is that it's only 3pm here! Cheers, doll!

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    2. Cheers! Ha, I had *one drink* and got all giddy last night. Good times :)

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  8. This is classic! What a wonderful memory, and if I were you, I totally would have let MF think that I got over him... with the whole band! (I'm a wee little devil at times) x

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    1. LOL! I definitely made some cheeky little comment eluding to the fact that it was just a quite night with me and my new pals. He. was. pissed.

      Mission accomplished!

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  9. Oh dear - just saw Gwan's post and now I have to confess that the initial Anonymous asking to see the photo is me - that is, Gwan's Mum!!!! Love your blog. xxx

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    1. How cool are you Mother Gwan?! I heard that you're a big Maroon 5 fan!

      Thank you so much for reading! It's an honor to have the mother of one of my favorite bloggers reading me! ::blush::

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    2. I'm afraid I can't resist clicking on the blogs listed at the side of Gwan's blog. But I have my favourites, and yours is one!

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    3. Ha, Mother Gwan, I love it! And I'm one of your favourite bloggers ::also blushes:: (same to you too by the way) :)

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  10. Et v'lan dans les dents, MF!:)

    Jouissif:)

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    1. Ouais!!

      C'était trop bon quand il a vu cette photo! Bhahahahaha! Quel salaud...!

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  11. haha how have you not told me this story? Ugh, I can't stand that "moves like jagger" song though.

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    1. I was in hiding for two months. Remember when I just like disappeared last year? This is what I was doing one of the nights.

      I LOVE 'Moves Like Jagger'..he he he!

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  12. Just found your blog and have been working my way from the beginning. What a great story to come across, seeing as they're one of my favorite bands (James is my favorite, his new band JJAMZ is really good).

    Anyway, I finally had to comment after reading all your stories. Hopefully I can get caught up soon but until then, they are keeping me very entertained.

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