Day 159: Be Immature.

 Illustration by Kelly Smith

This post is not for clean-minded, mature folk. So if you are this, I advise you to check back tomorrow. Me, not being mature, having the mind of a 10 year old boy who will always see the dirty side to a joke, take great pleasure out of things like this.

Let's flashback 6 months where Monsieur Flâneur and I were having one of our final "conversations". It was an annoyingly cheerful sunny afternoon in March and he had helped me move into my new apartment in the Marais. After all was done, we stood awkwardly in the hallway where his default was to launch into his speech that he didn't know what he wanted and needed time to sort things out - alone. Emotionally exhausted from his played out excuses for ending things, I faded out and set my eyes on the banister while feigning interest in his words in order to hide how hurt I was. When my eyes came back into focus, I couldn't help but laugh at what I was looking at.

Can you see it? If you see something other than a wrought-iron curlycue banister then it's not just me. I can just picture the blacksmith who was casting this, laughing his ass off while making it. This is so on purpose...come on.

"Why are you laughing?" MF asked confused why I would suddenly make light during our "deep" talk. Wanting to just change the subject for the love of God, I just came out with it, "Doesn't the design on the banister look like lined-up penises?". After the words came out of my mouth I bursted out into laughter while pointing at my new offensive stairwell railing. MF looked at them it and then at me, called me crazy and said that he'll call me later that week to see how I was 'doing', meaning was I going to hang myself because he decided he didn't want to marry me anymore. Please.

Coming home from Franprix last night with Séb, as I was fumbling with the keys, he had set our groceries down on the hallway floor, squinted through his thick Buddy Holly glasses and started laughing, "Why are there dicks on your banister?" he asked with the grin of a 12 year old pleased with his new discovery. "You really are a coquine!" I looked at him and smiled. He might just be the perfect guy for me.

Dick-designed banisters, only in France, only in France...


  1. Haha! I totally saw it right away. What was whoever designed that thinking?

  2. Aahaha! Glad it's not just me! It's pretty ridiculous, eh?

    I giggle every time I leave my apt.

  3. "Voici votre rampe! Les bourgeoisies stupides! Hee hee!"


    I must of lived in France during my previous life and made those &$&#ing bites-banisters!!

  4. @Dana - I know, right? I've grown found of my dick banisters over the past few months. I wonder if my neighbors notice it...I could NEVER ask!

  5. bahahahaaha this is too great!

  6. Hahahaha, that totally made me LOL. I might just bookmark this post and look at it again whenever I need a pick-me-up!

  7. I'm glad everyone appreciates it as much as I do! I guess we never fully grow up...that's a good thing!

  8. Nope, my eye went straight there when I opened the page and I was praying for it to be a post about dick banisters! Tee hee!

  9. See? You and Seb = on the same wave length which = great relationship.

    I loved that he noticed them without you pointing it out! Fantastic (the banisters too!)

  10. @Gwan - Nice. Well there's a reason that you and I are always on Keith's Girls Gone Wild section!!

    @kbh - Aww thanks, really well said. He'll love what you wrote. : ) He's pretty awesome!

  11. Tout, tout, tout,
    Vous saurez tout sur le zizi,
    Le vrai, le faux,
    Le laid, le beau,
    Le dur, le mou
    Qui a grand cou,
    Le gros touffu,
    Le p'tit joufflu,
    Le grand ridé,
    Le mont Pelé.
    Tout, tout, tout, tout,
    J'vous dirai tout sur le zizi."

    Duchesse :)))

  12. @Duchess - Vous êtes pompette ou non?! LOL!
    Oh là là là là là là!!! Mais....merci pour les 'gros mots'! Je vais tester ces mots avec Séb ce soir! Mdr! : )

    Ewwwww... le grand ridé?!?!? Buerk!

  13. Ahahhahhha! Je viens d'écouter cette chanson! Séb l'a mis! Je savais pas que vous avez écris des paroles! Je l'adore!!!!!! Ahahahahahahah!

  14. Oh brilliant! - my eyes homed in immediately on them and so many! I've told Mr ATOG I want to change our railings on our house and he said no, no, no - wonder why LOL!

    What a great start to the mornings when no doubt you have to hold on all the way down snigger snigger!


  15. Hi Jill! Isn't it great?! I just brought it to the attention of my landlady who stopped by this morning and she had tears coming out of her eyes with laughter. How am I the only one who noticed it?!?!?!

    Tell Keith to get on board with dick railings - It's all the Paris rage!!!

  16. That is too much! How could the first boy not scene it? Thanks for sharing! Hilarious.

  17. @Laura - Because the first boy is an idiot. :)
    I'm glad you enjoyed it!

  18. Love this post! Yep, only in France, but with foreskin.

  19. Laughed out loud! This is hilarioussss! I am absolutely LOVING your blog! I'm an expat living in Paris, too, and I am finding myself nodding and totally relating to many of these posts. Thank you for the laughs and the wonderful posts!