Day 147: Entertain Monsieur Flâneur.

Illustration by Garance Doré

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? I think that's the expression that I'm looking for. When will it end? 

Saying that, yesterday was I'm sure you can imagine from my introduction. On my way home from Franprix where I picked up my Friday night goodies of wine, cheese and chickpeas to nibble on while I catch up on my reading and online gossip sites, I bumped into Garçon Flâneur, the bite-size younger brother of Monsieur Flâneur on rue de Bretagne. After our double bises and small talk, he told me something rather disturbing but at this point it's far from surprising.  

It turns out that Phil, whom I thought was my friend, the same person who had told my only (at the time) girlfriends in Paris horrible things that I had supposedly said about them after Monsieur Flâneur ended things, the same person who was trying to set MF up with women while we were together and telling him that he needs to find a 'real woman' has struck again. Rumor has it that he had gone ahead and given Monsieur Flâneur my blog address. Yes, my blog. As in this one you're reading right now about moving on from him. This blog where he is having his Anglophone friends translate for him...including this sentence. Excuse me while I make this easier for him. Salut toi. Ça fait trop longtemps. T'es content maintenant? T'as bien trouvé mon blog. Wahou. Pizza pour tout le monde. Amuse-toi. 

Am I mad at MF for reading my blog? No, his list of faux-pas extends a lot farther than this and is nothing in comparison to the merde he put me through this past year, so I'll give him the satisfaction of enjoying his new role as an internet villain. And honestly, I would do the same thing if I were in his place. Absolutely. I'd love to read juice about an ex on a clean and tidy little website. But am I disappointed in Phil for giving it to him? Eff yeah. It was mean-spirited and designed to cause trouble because things were getting a little too quiet in Ella land. The sublet situation has finally settled where she admitted to the crime, I got everything back (I hope), my heart is mending and I am finally content after 6 months of pain, so why not throw MF back into the sauce to "liven" things up a bit around here. Paris was getting boring.

And before said person tries to justify their heinous action with "MF has a right to know what is said about him on the internet." No he doesn't because no one knows who MF is or what he looks like. I have taken measures to change details about his life in order to protect his identity. The only reason why I exposed Barbara was because she was hiding out with over 10 thousand dollars of my things that she stole, otherwise I would have masked her identity as well. This isn't an episode of Gossip Girl.

This is so annoying but let me once again wrap up this deceit in a nice little 'Ella Life Lesson' package. Being an expat, I think the standards of exceptable behavior in a friendship are somewhat lowered and skewed as we are trying to connect with others, being so far away from home. In these past two years, I have certainly let things slide in order to keep the peace and reassure myself that I have friends here, things that friends that I have had since childhood would never get away with and in would fact never do.

So now when something doesn't feel quiet right, I have to ask myself "What would my New York friends do?". Would Kitty ever have drinks with my ex and divulge personal information about me to him? Never. She'd sooner have a cash bar at her wedding before selling me out like that. Here in Paris, I find that I trick myself into thinking hurtful actions are normal and developed an art for ignoring red flags waving in my face. Well, plus maintenant!

The motives behind Phil's actions will remain unbeknownst to me and frankly I don't have the desire to search for the 'why', I only care about the 'how', the how to move on from toxic people who tamper with my happiness. Nowadays, I'd rather be alone than in shady company. 

Ah, people, I just don't know anymore...


  1. Whoever this person is, ugh, that's just cruel. This person was never a friend to you.

    Ella, where do you meet these people?!

  2. I know what you mean about being an expat.. But it's not like you're in bumblefuck France. You're in Paris and there and many English-speakers! Never have someone in your life who's a bitch/cruel/toxic. I have had so many ups and downs in New York (my lonely place..) that now I am older and wiser and will be alone before I have a cruel 'friend'. Sorry to hear about your experience.. I am wondering how the hell it happened but more importantly happy that you are moving on. Wonderful to have the ex reading the blog *rolls eyes*, ughhhh.

  3. @Grenobloise - Are you in NY now?

    And how it happened was that this person invited my ex our for drinks and told me nonchalantly like its normal to go out with your alleged friend's ex.

    It's weird that my ex reads the blog now. I'm trying not to let it hold me back in my writing, but its weird that he has such access to my head. That was this person's 'plan', I suppose.