Day 135: It Keeps Getting Better.

Illustration from FFFFound!

Kindly sense the sarcasm in the post title because we're about to launch into another shady sublet story. Will it ever end? I think I am going to be dealing with this miscreant for the rest of my life. Is this punishment for being single and broke? I swear it is. And Paris, while you're worth the trouble, you're starting to push the envelope a bit.

Batch two of my belongings that she claimed that she "just found" was delivered after I sent another scathing e-mail looking for my wide-legged jeans and perfume. Batch two? There shouldn't have even been a batch one but that was her chance to come clean with everything which she failed miserably to do. So once again, I had to get people in New York involved to get my things, because she couldn't follow instructions the first time around.

Not wanting to put my mother through that again, I had asked my dear friend Paul to retrieve the "remaining" items from her. He agreed to have her drop them off at his apartment on the Lower East Side yesterday afternoon. Paul and I met at Alliance Française in New York and never in my wildest imagination did I think he would be collecting stolen goods sloppily taken from my Paris apartment a mere 3 years later. Life is certainly funny. Ha. Ha.

After receiving a cryptic message from Paul on Facebook saying the crow flew at midnight which in Paul code meant that their hand off was complete, I called him via Skype to thank him and to get brief run down of the exchange. My crazy sublet who is crying poor rolled up in front of Paul's apartment in a sleek white Mercedes and handed him my things from the driver's side window. "She seemed surprisingly nice." Paul noted. Of course she's nice, she's a sociopath. They all appear to be nice. I'm sure if I had a drink with Casey Anthony she would seem sweet as pie too while she fed me lies about her life and swiped my wallet out of my bag. That's part of the illness. I would much prefer to be confronted with a raging lunatic than a sociopath, at least I'd know what to expect. They are harder to detect and come across like your best friend as they are plotting ways to royally screw you over. Unfortunately, this hasn't been my first tryst with this sneaky disorder.

On the phone, Paul and I went over the inventory together. The expected items were there, jeans, perfume, teddy (still can't accept that one) and then some unexpected items like shorts, a mini skirt and a bag full of panties. What? Not just one article of lingerie was stolen but a bag full? And panties, no less! There is something deeply wrong with this girl. I went from thinking that I had a party animal Pete Doherty maniac living in my flat to now a used panty-sniffing Buffalo Bill psychopath dancing around my apartment in used lingerie. Did she not think that I wore them the way all girls do? In the same spot? This takes feeling creeped out to new heights.

"Ok, so there are ten pairs in here," Paul delicately confirmed. I take back what I wrote earlier, never in my wildest imagination did I think that my Alliance Française classmate would be doing a headcount of my panties out of a ziplock bag. Sorry, Paul.

This girl is going to have a lot of problems in her life and I feel sorry for her family and who ever crosses her path next. Hopefully this story has gotten out before she gets to her next victim because I doubt this girl will ever learn. She doesn't feel sorry like she claims she is in her e-mails, she's sorry because she got caught and I'm not as sweet and gentle as I come across (a rookie mistake). I mean come on, look at who my mother is, of course being feisty is going to rub off, especially when provoked and robbed! I'm talking to you too, Paris!

Why do I feel like this isn't the end of the shady sublet? What's next? All I know is that I will never forget this experience as long as I live.


  1. I'm truly sorry to hear about your experiences with Katie, the shady sublet but thanks for giving me a good laugh tonight. I was in the same situation as your mother and Paul when my daughter asked me to pick up some of her things at an ex-boyfriend's place because she was scared to see him again. It's a long story involving voodoo dolls. At least I didn't end up having to count her panties like Paul!

  2. Thanks Mary Kay. I can't help but laugh myself. It's beyond heinous what she did and laughter is the only way I'm getting through the frustration.

    Voodoo dolls, you say?! Oh la la! Moms are wonderful, wonderful people. I hope I'm as amazing of a mother as you and mine are, especially when us daughters are in crisis!

    I'm glad I gave you good chuckle tonight. :)

  3. Tes culottes ?! Noooooooon, c'est PAS possible !
    Elle a bcp, bcp de problèmes, cette connasse.
    J'espère qu'elle a bien appris ! T'es forte Mlle. Coquine ! Attention !

  4. I don't know all the ins and outs of linking, but you should figure out some way to get these stories linked to as many times as possible so that they are the first thing that comes up when you search "Katie Milleisen". Should be good for job searches, HR departments, etc.!

  5. @Agathe - C'est enervant, n'est-ce pas? Elle m'a appelé hier soir et elle a dit que j'ai cassé sa vie. C'est une blague ou quoi? C'est. ri.dic.ule! Putain...

    @Anony - A lot of my friends work in HR around the world and it was conversation (complete with photos) over drinks and dinner that I told some of them what had happened and naturally they were horrified. They took it upon themselves to forward this out to LA, Paris, Tokyo, Milan and NY. They were being good friends. My life has been turned upside down in the last 30 days...and I thought the break-up was tough! Oh la la!

  6. While I don't envy the experience that inspired this post at all (way creepy if you ask me), I have to say that I love how you've written about it, it's really fantastic, and entertaining :-)

  7. What a low life piece of trash. I'm glad you got your stuff back. I hope there isn't any more missing.

  8. @Sarah Louise - Thank you! This is the only way I can get through the frustration of an otherwise unnecessary situation. Happy to entertain!

    @Rachel - I hope there is nothing else missing too...we shall see.

  9. I will never forget this experience as long as I live and it didn't even happen to me! What a character!

    Who steals used panties, for the love of God?! Who?! (In Japan in the 90's, there were vending machines for old pervs who wanted to buy used teenage panties for kinks, but that's a whole different story altogether...) Ewwwww!!!

    Has she given back ALL your stuff, this time?

    And yes, I also think she figured she'd stolen so much stuff from your place that you would not notice everything... well, I guess that'll learn her! (Mind you, I also agree that that type of delusional psycho never learns).

    Think of what an interesting chapter(s) that'll be in your first book, though;)

  10. @ Duchess - The last time I was in Tokyo (2008) the panty machine still existed!! The teenage prostitution ring had just been exposed at that time too. I was like "Where Am I?" It was great! I love getting a glimpse of the dark side of a city I'm visiting.

    Oh and I found more missing things. She could have come clean the first time! Ugh! This is so frustrating.

  11. I don't understand people like "Katie Milleisen". Who does such a thing? I would feel so weird walking around wearing someone else's things... especially underwear!!!