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Day 18: Move On.


Today is a tough task to endure.

Reading chick-lit and watching girly things like Sex and the City have been comforting and all but I can't help but not completely relate. All of these women who have been left out in the cold by the men that they loved have had a strong network of friends who supported and cared for them, unconditionally. I couldn't say that I had the same privileges when the chips were stacked against me. 

I had made friends here in Paris, witchy American girls who I thought were my true friends, friends whom I myself had helped out in their housing crises, break-ups and unplanned pregnancies. Sadly, when it came to my crisis of being dumped by a man they all loved and enjoyed to be around with when he and I were inviting them out to drinks and parties, they became less than my friends. I now understand the definition of fair-weathered friends.

After leaving the home I shared with my ex, I needed to briefly stay with people who I thought were people I could count on. These were friends whom I always defended when my French friends had asked me why they have been here for two years and didn't bother to learn the language. Friends who had put me to work while I was staying at their apartment? I was asked to clean up after parties, do laundry and go grocery shopping which I did as I was just grateful I had somewhere to stay. I also tried to stay out of the flat as much as possible to keep out of everyone's way. I was merely buying time before my new apartment had become available and three days before I was able to get the keys I was asked to find 'another situation' because they needed their space for dates and felt that they had helped out enough. They were the only friends I knew that had enough space to take me in, all my other friends live in studios with their significant others.

In an effort to forgive and move on, I must accept that everything truly happens for a reason and a time of trauma shows who your real friends are and who are not. I am slowly making new friends and am accepting that life works in mysterious ways. Do I want to leave Paris because of this unfortunate situation? No. Will I be more selective in the future who I choose as my immediate circle? Absolutely. Do I regret helping others who were incapable of offering the same? Never. A good heart never goes unnoticed in the bigger picture. 

Today is about practicing compassion from a distance...even when I don't think I can...

4 comments:

  1. Hey, I just started my own blog on my adventures studying in France, and somehow stumbled across yours - probably through a friend of a friend of a friend...you know how it goes ;)

    I started reading your blog from the beginning, and have just got to this part when I decided I NEED to subscribe. Love your tone, the idea behind your blog, your way of telling your story. This post made me feel bad - how awful for those girls to let you down at such a critical moment. I'm glad to hear you had nothing more to do with them. It sounds like you're doing well (going to read on to find out!), and I just wanted to say - I know what it feels like to be lonely and wonder if you can stay strong by yourself. You can!

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  2. Hi there! Thanks for your comment! It has been a 'festive' year but nothing in life in unmanageable. Shit happens and it only makes us stronger. : )

    Please give me your blog address, I'd love to read about your adventures as well. Good luck and have fun with your first few weeks in Paris, they're the best. You'll never forget them!

    -Ella

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  3. Hey Ella, sound advice :) When do you head back to Paris? I want to hear what happens with the wonderful Sebastien (jeaaaaalous!).

    - Hannah xxx
    P.S. Added you as a ''follower'', get my url that way. Nothing much on it yet :)

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  4. you are incredibly strong for getting through that! you go girl!! :) (I just discovered your blog and it's so inspiring! I'm hoping to live here too some day!)

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