Day 220: The Case of the Puffy Coat: Part Deux.

Illustration by Cécile Mancion

Lately, I have been entertaining myself with my blog's keyword stats where I discover how my blog is found via search engines. It amuses me to see that Tales is on the other side of some crazy Google searches, even if they don't exactly match the stories that I have written on this blog. Some goodies have been; "dirty french panties" (why do they have to be dirty?), "by our second coffee we were naked and 'effing' (coffee? The second coffee for me has a different effect where I'd prefer to not be in the presence of a man. Remember that dilemma?)", "drunk girl in paris " (nice), "sleazy French men in parks (it happens)", "ella coquine" , "Parisian Fashion Heist (no crazy subletter, I haven't taken the stories of you robbing me off the blog)" and this afternoon I was surprised to see; "ella coquine monsieur flaneur dysfunctional relationship" (well look at that). It was staring back at me where Google and this reader recognized that we aren't a compatible couple, why did it take me so long? If love is blind then what is stupidity and denial? Deaf, dumb, insane and blind?

As predicted, retrieving my puffy coat is turning out to be more trouble than it's worth, even if it did belong to my aunt who passed away too young from cancer. I am finally at peace with parting with it. The coat was a staple for icy winters in Brooklyn and wet winters here in Paris where I felt like she was keeping me warm with her hugs but I refuse to do the MF song and dance in order to get it back. She would understand.

After waiting weeks to hear back, I finally received an e-mail response from him saying that he has had the coat at the restaurant and wanted to know why I hadn't come by to pick it up. Respire. I never confirmed that I was coming by, my last e-mail was simple and direct, requesting a status update of when he would have it at the restaurant and we would go from there. I haven't heard anything from him and was not going to go his restaurant or send someone else there to pick up my things without knowing for sure if they were actually there. - it's common sense. I know that I probably shouldn't have but I couldn't resist writing back to say just that.

Within minutes, I received another e-mail where I was accused of being unclear, that he was having trouble following me which was an unfair jab at my French communication skills before saying that he doesn't spend his days checking e-mails (he has an iPhone), that the coat is now at his mother's house because I never came by and to stop making him out to be 'le connard'. N'importe quoi!!

This is what makes people crazy. I call this LOL; lack of logic. I didn't respond to his second e-mail, I couldn't because we weren't going to get anywhere with his knucklehead reasoning. He wants me to call him to arrange an rdv, so he can try to charm me with his young Serge Gainsbourg good looks, interrogate me on my new life and make his little comments. Seriously, I have enough trinkets and memories of my aunt that I can part with the puffy coat - anything to be free of this drama.
What's going on is that he is slowly realizing that he has absolutely no power over me and is imprisoning my possessions in search of a strong reaction from me - this method may have worked six months ago but not anymore. This my friends is called moving on. It also doesn't help that Séb and I ran into a good friend of his in Oberkampf last week and it was obvious that I am doing well and that MF is turning into a fading memory. These days my sights are set on the future - with or without the damn puffy coat. Merde alors!


  1. The key words stats are hilarious. I have the same feeling when I see which words bring people to my blog. Most of the time, I think "really?" quickly followed by "Gosh, I bet they were disappointed!"

    Your puffy coat is at the house of MF's mother? - LOL as in lack of logic. Why couldn't he just keep it in the restaurant so that you could pick it up. Anyway, good for you for moving on! 2012 - a new year is almost here.

  2. Who needs puffy coats anyway, they make you look larger than life!:)

    A wise woman told me, many years ago, that sometimes you need to let a jerk have the last word... a principle I have applied ever since. One thing I have learned is that although jerks like to have the last word, they can't handle it... and sooner or later, they'll come back and give it to you. And you won't even want it by that time because you'll be lightyears ahead of them. All that time they'll have wasted thinking smugly that they have one on you, you'll have used moving on with your life and growing. Bottom line: one day, MF will get his just desserts and you won't even have to get your hands dirty. Nice, eh?

    That's my cheap Sunday wisdom for you:) And there's plenty more where that came from:)

  3. Maybe MF would like to meet Katie M? They are both motherfuckers so should hit it off. BTW MF: Ella isn't making you out to be an asshole.
    You ARE an asshole.

    Just read up on the Katie M story and good for you for using her real name and posting about what happened. Googled her name and saw her "blog." She even posted three "comments" of nonsense. What a c**t!

  4. @MK - LOL!!! Yes! Totally! I feel the same way! That these google searchers are super disappointed when they realize that my site doesn't have French girls wearing dirty panties or advice on what to do after you sleep with someone after a second cup of joe! As for MF...he is Mr. it doesn't surprise me. Again, n'importe quoi...

    @Duchess - The puffy coat did make me look rather well puffy's gone. Ca va...ça arrive. : /
    Thanks for your food for thought...I loved it. I'll give him the last word...tant mieux pour lui... ! : )

    @Anony - He actually did meet Katie M.

    and thanks for your comment..AWESOME! Thank you!