Day 208: The Case of the Puffy Coat.

So, my ex still has my puffy coat. He has my damn puffy coat, which I learned is doudounne in French. He has that and other winter accoutrements that I will need as the Paris winter season is lurking and my fall jacket is starting to feel thin and useless. As with everything with him, it's an obstacle just getting him to honor a simple request.

On November 14th at exactly 2:43 pm, I sent MF an e-mail to get the wheels turning on getting my coat, snow boots, hats and gloves back to me. I had mentioned that it would be easier for us both if I sent Eric, my friend who is a chauffeur to grab them since he has a regular client in the neighborhood of MF's restaurant. Eric agreed that he'd be more than happy to help me out and grab the puffy coat after dropping off his client at the end of the day, all he asked is to confirm when MF will have everything ready for him. Easy enough, right?

As expected, MF responded two weeks later. Awesome. His e-mail included citations from my email where he added snide comments beside each of my quotes. The foundation of his irritation is that I was sending Eric instead of going myself. Why should it even matter at this point? It matters to him because he wants an opportunity to take my emotional temperature on how I feel about him. If I'm happy, it means that I'm still in love with him. If I'm sad, it means I'm still in love with him. If I'm neutral, it means that I'm acting weird and therefore am still in love with him. If I'm quick with the exchange, it means that I'm playing games and am still in love with him. See a trend here? If I'm pissed it means that he can still control my feelings and I'm still in love with him. I can't win and I know nothing good will come out of me seeing him because he's really that irritating. This is the same man who saw no problem in having me wait hours for him in a café and would feign amused confusion when I was irritated as well at that point drunk from wine or super-buzzed on coffee. He loves commotion, excitement, and drama where he can pull the puppet strings and control the chaos that's triggered from his immoral behavior. When I think of his new girlfriend, I just shake my head and sigh over the fact that someone else is currently dealing with him, la pauvre.

Not wanting to play games, I responded to his e-mail, ignoring his bitter comments and just asked him to please keep me posted on when he will have the items at the restaurant to be picked up while leaving out details on exactly who would be coming - no response. I let two weeks pass - still no response. I sent an e-mail last week to follow up and again no response. How annoying, right? I know exactly what he wants; he wants me to storm into his restaurant like a bat out of hell, pissed off over the fact that he hasn't gotten back to me and so he can tell his new girlfriend that I'm still in love with him and things between us are so difficult. In the past, I may have reacted this way because I was in fact still in love with the man I was supposed to marry and his little games used to have an influence over me but now, it's not so easy. It will have to take a little more than holding my puffy coat hostage to ruffle these feathers.

You'd think that it was me who ended things the way is he is acting. If I broke up with someone whom I supposedly used to love, I would want to make things as easy as possible for them and be happy for them if they have moved on and are doing well. I just don't get it, but once again, the key thing I learned this year is that we are all different and you can't expect others to respond the way you would in every situation. Would I play a game with someone I ended things with and who had a long and difficult year? Not at all, but that's just me.

I'll keep you posted of what becomes of my puffy coat of if I'll be freezing my ass off this winter... 


  1. Hi! Found your very pretty blog through our mutual friend All Frenched Out.
    Here's some unasked-for advice from someone who has spent +25 years dating and marrying Frenchmen.

    Buy new winter stuff. The interaction with your ex is not worth the stress or the space he is taking up in your mind. For the cost of a new coat, boots and gloves, you can be free of such a baby. A good trade-off which will ultimately be the best thing for you, imho.

  2. Thanks! Yes, I forgot to mention that I am ready to give it up. I won't be playing his little monkey games and if it means losing my be it. It's not worth it. Thanks for your comment and advice! And I LOVE Miss Ksam over at All Frenched Out!

  3. As you already know, MF is trying to hold your emotions, as well as the aforementioned puffy coat, hostage. Don't let him! Get another coat because it's cold out there and move on. End of story and goodbye MF.

    Big virtual hugs - it can't be fun dealing with all of this...especially not when you're wearing a lightweight jacket in December.

  4. God! How manipulative is he?!
    He IS holding your coat hostage so he can toy with you... I've had that happen before and it just sucks the energy out of you!! My mother would say "Forget about the coat and go buy another one!" but that's too easy! It's a matter of principle! I've had people hold books and tapes hostage before. The books I just couldn't let go: they were precious teaching material I had hauled from Korea to Finland and then to Canada! I was not about to let some leech have them just to buy peace! So I was able to get them back, but the "friend" in question made sure I got them back in small installments... and damaged! Ironally, when I go back home, I'll probably donate them to a good school because I want to downsize and won't be teaching kindergarten again... What a difference 6 years make, eh?

    Get your stuff back and sever all ties to that moron! Thank God you didn't have children with him: he would have poisoned your life forever!

  5. #1.Kudos to you for rising above MF annoying crap and moving on.
    #2.My bet is MF's new GF is getting a puffy coat for Christmas this year (or already wearing it).
    #3.Please go shopping for a new coat. It's not worth the hassle and there are so many cute coats this season!

  6. @MK and Chickster - Thanks guys! I intend on letting this go. You're all right, it's not worth it and I can find something cuter. Luckily Katie Milleisen didn't steal my jackets! Plus my mom will be in town for work on Friday so she has a suitcase of warm goodies for me!

    The puffy coat isn't that cute, it's just practical and sentimental. It belonged to my aunt who passed away from cancer a few years ago who was much taller than me and me being short, the coat is floor length. I'll get it back...just not this year. Sigh...

    @Duchess - LOL! You're too much! Ahahaha! I'm not going to pry....there's not much that I can do without giving in to games. It's too exhausting...I'm just not up for it anymore. Grace à dieu qu'il m'a quitté! Putain! Il a bcp, bcp de problèmes à la tete. Ca c'est clair...

  7. Go buy a new puffer coat. You don't need the negative energy now attached to the old one.

  8. I'm glad to hear that you're buying a new coat finalement. The fact that "Monstre"Flan is using this as an opportunity to be manipulative and make your life hell (not to mention keeping you cold in winter), even after such a long time apart, just shows that he is, well, still a huge douche. He strangely resembles Thief Katie to me.

    I relate to what you say about "If I'm happy, if I'm sad.., etc." because I've been in a similar situation, knowing that however I chose to be this person would see what he/she wants to see and still accuse me of "this or that". Si fatiguant...

  9. @Cynthia - Thanks, you're right, I have to move on, I have plenty of other "warmies" that my mom is bringing to me. Btw....I really enjoyed your article on Ma vie Française! Thanks for commenting. : )

    @D - Yeah, I have no choice. My sanity takes precedence in this case. It's just so lame that I needed to vent. I'm sorry but who acts that way?! I dodged a bullet with this one...

  10. In retrospect, I should probably have given up on the books and gotten that moron out of my life sooner... Just write the puffy coat and the puffy moron off and buy yourself a new one (coat that is... who wants a moron, and a puffy one at that?!)! It'll symbolize your new beginning!:)

  11. What a prick! Holding on to a coat that belonged to your aunt who passed away? Too bad I don't live there. We could get a group of us to picket his restaurant - chanting, "free the puffy coat." Lol!

  12. @Anonymous - My mom agrees!!! LOL! It was her sister's coat and she wants it back. I'll get it back, one day....but for now, I have a replacement. Sigh....